I actually read this part of the book back in June 19th 2011 at around 4:54am. I wrote it in my Notebook/Journal and i am sharing it with you now. Before I started reading this book, I decided to have a very open mind. If you have read the Purpose Driven Life book by Rick Warren, I hope that you can tell me your own reflections as well. I haven’t finished the book because I am often busy, or just simply not wanting to read anything, plus i wanted to do a chapter a day only. So, here it is.
I have just read the Day One part of this “The Purpose Driven Life”. It says, in my understanding, that LIFE, my life is not about me at all. It’s not about my ambitions, not about my personal success story, not about my suffering, not about anything that has to do with my self.
It says here; “Everything got started in Him and finds its Purpose in Him” Collosians 1:16
-If it is not about me, then it’s about what or who? > It says here that it’s about God’s purpose for me.
-I honestly don’t get it. It seems that God created for his own purpose. Then for Pete’s sake, what is my purpose then? I do not know where to begin. I do not know if God really has purpose for me, and why He chooses me for this purpose (if there is any). I am not even sure if there really is a God.
-If there is no God, and there is no God to use me for His purpose, then why am i here on earth for? If there is no God to use me for his purpose, then I may say that I might be an unnecessary addition to the number of people on earth. Then I could just will it my self to end my life and save my self from suffering and struggling, and pain, and hate, and old age, and embarrassment. I would not feel bad committing suicide, because there is no God to judge me guilty of killing my self. But, that is not what this book is saying, it tells me that there is a God.
-So, how will I find out my purpose? > I do not know.
* I once listened to a Pastor who said this “Ask God to use you”. Honestly, from time to time I am an Agnostic. But that statement really frightened me in a way. What if God really does exist and He heard me and He decided to actually use me? Am i ready for it? I don’t think so. Of course, just like so many people, I want to be the one in control of my life. I want to become what I had always want to become. I want to be wealthy and famous and many more. But what if God’s purpose for me is to send me somewhere to live a mendicant life helping other people, that isn’t so bad. But come one,will you be so proud to tell your high school friends and classmates that you are just a poor man who cannot afford some simple luxury in life because you are working for charity? I don’t think i am ready for that. I don’t wanna become a failure in this world.
* Now, if i do hear God’s call telling me His purpose will I even succeed if i answer the call? I might just succumb to temptation. Knowing that I am very easily tempted, will He even bother to call me? I am very much afraid to say a heartfelt “Lord God, use me as you will”…
>*** Without God, Life makes no sense***<
-How do i start following God?
-How can I find out what God’s will or purpose for me?
> I really am afraid to say ‘Lord God, use me’
> I do not know your plan for me. If you do have plans for me, please let me know and help me to achieve it. Give me strength to love, to feel and to live for You. I don’t know if you are listening to me right now, but if you are, and if you decide to start using me for your purpose, please don’t let it come hard for me. But of course, it will be your will and not mine be done. Give me courage to face and do what you will. I do not pretend that i am not afraid, I am very much afraid of the day that you decide to start using me, but i will only be fulfilled once your purpose is done.
> Help me always Lord and remind me that i should be living for you and not for me.